The Real Land of Lincoln

An open letter to the United State of ILL-ANNOY:

Hey, Illini -- let's be honest: you know that Abraham Lincoln wasn't really born in your state, but you have decided to try and steal Kentucky's thunder, so we're going to steal part of that back.

We're sorry many of your politicians have turned out to be corrupt and a nice, honest guy would serve you well, but Abe is all Kentuckian. And, we are going to celebrate it by using these uncommonly cool Lincoln'y things in all facets of our lives.

Split-rail by split-rail, we will conquer you.

Respectfully,

The Uncommonwealth of Kentucky